Tales From a Second Hand Wand Shop- Book 1: They Were the Best of Gnomes. They Were the Worst of Gnomes. Read online



  Tales From a Second Hand Wand Shop

  Book 1:

  They Were the Best of Gnomes

  They Were the Worst of Gnomes

  Any similarities between the characters in this book and persons living or dead (or undead) is purely coincidental. The author has made an effort to avoid using the names of real places or businesses in his story. Again, similarities with like-named businesses or places is coincidental. It would also be disturbing.

  No animals were harmed in the writing of this book.

  Copyright 2012

  Written by Robert P. Wills

  Illustrated by Rio Taylor

  For my father- David W. Wills

  Thanks to Mary Grace, Donna Allen, and the talented Krystal Urban- for their editing assistance

  Also I would like to thanks the talented Chance for his excellent cover work.

  Enjoy his music here: www.mynameischance.com

  Grimbledung and Drimblerod -Fast Friends

  Tea Time...The Gnomes sat down at the table- Rat already had half a scone in his mouth. “Hungry?” Asked Drimblerod, “Those constant naps do take a toll, don’t they?” Rat continued to chew as he reached for his cup. He gave Drimblerod a glance with his good eye as he sipped his coffee. Wordlessly he went back to work on the scone. He would banter and bicker later; now Rat was concentrating on his scones and Gnollish Dark Blend® coffee. Serious business, that.

  Downstairs, the bell above the front door jingled. Grimbledung frowned, “Stupid door! I’ll go shoo them off and make sure it’s locked this time.” Teatime overrode any profit-making tendencies the Gnomes had. Grimbledung bounded down the stairs and was greeted by two Half-Orcs. One looked familiar. The other was probably from the same litter. Its brother perhaps? Suddenly a lantern went off in Grimbledung’s head. “Pike, nice to see you again,” he said cheerily. Shooing Half-Orcs was dangerous business; teatime might override profits but self-preservation was always at the top of the list. “What brings you around?” At the time for tea he thought.

  “Hullo,” began Pike, “You tell Pike come back with mate sometime.” He smiled with sharp, jagged teeth. “This her.” He jabbed a thick thumb at the female. Just his pointed thumbnail was longer than the entire of Grimbledung’s thumb.

  Female? Suddenly, a many-legged a many-hairy-legged creature ran up Grimbledung’s spine- he was overtaken by the Heebie-Jeebies. “Gah!” Came out before he could stop it. “Nice to meet you,” followed (fortunately) close behind. Suddenly, not in control of his senses he heard himself continue, “Want to join us upstairs for tea? Its teatime, time for tea you know.”

  “Sure?” Offered the Female. She had never been invited for tea. Or anywhere for that matter- Half-Orcs were notorious Crashers. That was probably why no one bothered to invite them; they showed up anyway.

  The many-hairy-legged creature continued up Grimbledung’s spine, into his ear and somehow made it to his belly. It joined several butterflies who were already engaged in a lively dance. “Bah, bah, bah” stuttered Grimbledung (in time with the beat in his belly no less). Tea with a couple of Half-Orcs. Drimblerod would not be pleased. There was a bright side after all! With the biggest smile he could manage, he continued, “Come on up. You can sit next to Drim, Missus Pike.”

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One It’s All Downhill From Here

  Chapter Two Wherein Grimbledung and Drimblerod Meet

  Chapter Three Wherein Grimbledung and Drimblerod Come to an Agreement

  Chapter Four Wherein Grimbledung Closes his Shoppe (which is, in fact, a wagon)

  Chapter Five Wherein Drimblerod Prepares for His New Partner

  Chapter Six Wherein Grimbledung Tours Second Hand Sorcery

  Chapter Seven Wherein Grimbledung receives His First (and Last) Psychotic Reading

  Chapter Eight Wherein Grimbledung Officially Moves In

  Chapter Nine Wherein the Gnomes Begin Their First Day as Partners

  Chapter Ten Wherein Grimbledung Sells His First Wand (in the shop)

  Chapter Eleven Wherein Grimbledung Makes His First Bribe (in the shop)

  Chapter Twelve Wherein Grimbledung Gets Some Pointers on Wand Sales

  Chapter Thirteen Wherein Grimbledung has a Grand Idea

  Chapter Fourteen Wherein Grimbledung Almost Starves to Death

  Chapter Fifteen Wherein the Gnomes Make a New Partner

  Chapter Sixteen Wherein Grimbledung has Another (Great) Idea

  Chapter Seventeen Wherein the Gnomes Make an Offer to Nulu

  Chapter Eighteen Wherein Grimbledung Explains His Condition

  Chapter Nineteen Wherein Grimbledung Begins Work on the Gatherer Division Sign

  Chapter Twenty Wherein Drimblerod Tends to Customers Until the Sign is Ready. Kind Of.

  Chapter Twenty (Part Two) Wherein the Sign is -Almost- Ready

  Chapter Twenty-One Wherein Drimblerod Explains the Difference Between Magicians and Wizards

  Chapter Twenty (Part Three) Wherein Grimbledung Finishes the Sign

  Chapter Twenty-Two Wherein Grimbledung Takes the Sign to the Haberdashery

  Chapter Twenty-Three Wherein Rat Tells Grimbledung’s Secret

  InTerN Mission

  Chapter Twenty-Four Wherein Grimbledung Witnesses a Robbery

  Chapter Twenty-Five Wherein Grimbledung Foils a Robbery

  Chapter Twenty-Six Wherein the First Volunteers for the Gatherers Division are Recruited

  Chapter Twenty-Six and a Half Wherein Marjory and Spitz are Discussed

  Chapter Twenty-Seven Wherein the Constable Arrives at the Shop

  Chapter Twenty-Eight Wherein the Magician’s Guild Pays an Unexpected Visit

  Chapter Twenty-Eight and a Half Wherein Semfeld and Liverioso Deal With Their Fate

  Chapter Twenty-Nine Wherein Gnomes Decide to Visit the Local Wizarding School

  Chapter Twenty-Nine (Interlude) Wherein Big Julie’s Ascension -Crime Lord to Franchise Owner

  Chapter Twenty-Nine (Reliquume) Wherein the Gnomes and Big Julie Discuss Business

  (part of) Chapter Thirty Wherein Julie Gives the Gnomes (and Rat) a Tour of the School

  (more of) Chapter Thirty Wherein Julie Continues to Give the Gnomes (and Rat) a Tour of the School

  (the rest of) Chapter Thirty Wherein Julie, the Gnomes and Rat Finish the Tour and Eat Lunch

  Chapter Thirty-One Wherein the Gnomes Return to the Shop. And Grimbledung is killed

  Chapter Thirty-Two(ish) Wherein Akita Disposes Grimbledung’s Body

  (some of) Chapter-Thirty Two Wherein Grimbledung’s Body Arrives At Prost Garrison

  (the rest of) Chapter-Thirty Two Wherein Grimbledung is Kicked Out of Prost Garrison.

  Chapter Thirty-Three Wherein Gatherer Division Wands Unfortunately Do Not Begin to Arrive

  Chapter Thirty-Four Wherein Grimbledung Goes Searching for Wands but Finds Halflings

  The rest of Chapter Thirty-Three Wherein Gatherer Division Wands Do Not Begin to Arrive

  Chapter Thirty-Five-Just because we figured there should be one

  Chapter Thirty-Six Wherein Gatherer Division Wands Actually Do Begin to Arrive

  The Very Last Bit of Chapter Thirty-Six - Really-

  Chapter Thirty-Seven Wherein the Obligatory Bar Room Brawl Occurs

  Chapter Thirty-Eight Wherein Semfeld and Liverioso Return...soon after Garibaldis does.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine Wherein the First Annual Jamboree is Set
up

  Chapter Forty Wherein the First Annual Jamboree Begins

  Chapter Forty-One Wherein During First Annual Jamboree Becomes the Great Fire of 978

  Chapter Forty-Two Wherein The Gnomes, Nulu, Dummy, and Rat Make Their Way to Big Julie

  Chapter Forty-Three Wherein Grimbledung is Forgiven By Everyone

  Chapter Forty-Four InTerN Mission; Failure

  Chapter Forty-Five Wherein the Group Arrives at Displane’s School for Young Wizards and Witches

  About the Author

  About the Illustrator