Tales From a Second Hand Wand Shop- Book 1: They Were the Best of Gnomes. They Were the Worst of Gnomes. Read online

Chapter Ten

  Wherein Grimbledung Sells His First Wand (in the shop)

  “So what do you want me to do, Drim?”

  “Stay out here and mind the shop while I get some cans together for the dummy to start sorting into. If tension continues to build around here with all that talk about an impending invasion, we’re going to be really busy, really soon.”

  “I don’t believe all that talk.” He waved a hand dismissively, “After the trouncing the Dragon Brigade gave those mercenaries, there’s no way anyone would dare attack again. No one is that stupid.”

  “I would have to agree with you, but if there’s even a chance that there’s going to be a run on wands in this town, we need to make sure we’re fully stocked and ready to sell to every paranoid person with coins to spare.” Drimblerod smiled mischievously, “And if folks start to calm down, we’ll just have to get them back on their edge again.”

  “Well, if there’s one thing that Rat says I’m good it, it’s getting people on edge. I’m not even sure what that means.” He furrowed his brow. “The edge of what?”

  Drimblerod blinked at his new partner; he wasn’t sure if he was making light of the situation or actually was perplexed. “Why don’t you handle selling wands while I worry about the whole impending invasion thing?”

  Grimbledung looked around the store, “Do you have any, maybe, more helpful or detailed directions for me than that?”

  “Be nice to people. Let them browse and pick up wands. Make suggestions. If they seem to be just window shopping, try a hard sell. If that doesn’t work...” Drimblerod lowered his voice, “Get rid of them.”

  “Got it. That’s it then?”

  “No, actually. Don’t let anyone take a wand from under the glass unless you’re holding the Dispel! Wand that’s behind the counter.”

  “Got it.” Grimbledung moved to the sign on the window that in big red letters said:

  CLOSED!

  And doen’t even think abowt

  Nocking on the glas!

  Go a way

  But come back laeter!

  “Got it, Grim? Dispel! Wand behind the counter,” said Drimblerod again.

  “Sure thing,” Grimbledung said as he waved his hand over his shoulder. He was craning his neck to try to see people on the street. “Here customer, customer, customer!” He whistled in hopes it would help. As Drimblerod left the front of the Shop, Grimbledung was hopping from foot to foot singing:

  Customers we love you!

  Customers you’re great.

  Please come buy something,

  or I’ll blast your head off

  He clapped in between iterations of his song. After five minutes (much to the relief of Rat) he stopped singing and sat behind the counter sulking and drumming his fingers. When he spied a passerby in the window, he sat up straight and tried to look business-like. As was often the case, the seventh one actually entered the store.

  “Good morning,” said the smallish Human man.

  “Good morning to you too!” Replied Grimbledung sitting ramrod straight, “come in and peruse the merchandise!”

  “Well, what I really need is a Loo” said the man.

  “Lou? Who’s that?” Asked Grimbledung, spine loosening up.

  “A John”

  “I don’t know anyone named John Lou.” Grimbledung’s shoulders hunched. “Or even Lou John for that matter.”

  “Ahhh, I, ahhh” tried the man. “Uhm…”

  “I only speak Common, Gnomish, Dwarfish, and a little Elven, and that not by choice.” His fingers stopped drumming on the counter.

  “A bathroom?” Tried the man.

  “I see.” Grimbledung winked knowingly. “We Gnomes call that ‘a Privy’.”

  “Oh, I see. Well then...” Began the man with a relieved smile.

  “And do you know why we call it that?” Interrupted Grimbledung as he stood on the stool, hands holding him up as he leaned over the counter.

  “Uhmm. No?” Offered the man.

  “BECAUSE IT’S PRIVATE!” Yelled Grimbledung. “As in NOT for the likes of you!” Drops of spittle hit the glass counter. Grimbledung’s ears were flat against his head, “UNDERSTAND?” He screamed as he began to clamber off the counter. “Or do you need a more up close and personal explanation!?!”

  “Urp!” Said the man as he closed the door and waddled back past the window.

  “I guess he doesn’t need a Loo anymore” Grimbledung said to no one in particular.